Public Streaking
What’s up bitches? It’s your stone cold pimp Johnny Noxious up in this bitch yo.
I have one word for you all, Streaking.
What the fuck ever happened to streaking and why is nobody doing it anymore? I mean for Christ sake why do you think I watch the fucking U S Open? It’s not for the tennis dammit it’s in hopes of seeing a naked young coed run across the court. I mean Serena’s outburst was a pleasant surprise, any time somebody says and I quote “I am going to shove this ball down your fucking throat” that makes the event for me. Still what has happened here, what happened to the good old days? Streaking was big in the 70’s but has been on a steady decline ever since. Have we gotten a bit chicken as a country, as a planet??? I mean Tiger Woods just won another tournament this past weekend, but not a sign of a streaker anywhere. A golf course is a perfect place for the beginning streaker to start their career. Tons of places to hide before and after the big event. Maybe taking a quick look at some of the alumni of the sport will inspire some of you wannabe streakers.
Erica Roe
24 year old Erica with an impressive 40“ bosom was the grandmother of female streakers, having famously bared herself before the Queen of England at an England vs Australia match in 1982.
Sheila Nichols
Sheila was aged only 19 when she invaded the hallowed turf of Lords Cricket ground in 1989. She is best known for 2 things 1) Being really really hairy and 2) Doing one of the only naked cartwheels known in the history of man.
Melissa Johnson
The first streaker to take to the grass at Wimbledon, during the Men’s singles final in 1996. Balls dropped everywhere.
Naomi McDonald
A rare thing amongst female streakers (unlike their more outgoing male counterparts), Naomi is a serial streaker, having pulled off naked runs at both International cricket matches and Wimbledon.
If you google any of those names you disgusting perverted weirdos can find plenty of pictures. I myself loved the big hairy 70’s bush on Sheila Nichols and the giant rack on Erica is just as fabulous. Just keep your hands to yourself boys.
So Ladies let me just throw this out there. As a purveyor of poon, a fan of the clam, a buddy of the booty etc etc. Please ladies let us bring back this fine tradition, we need it now more than ever. The world is in horrible shape right now, the economy, wild fires, wars, floods and famine, hunger. The least you can do is to make a horny young boys dream come true. Run naked in public Run dammit run.
Catch you bitches on the flip side. Be Pathetic,
Johnny Noxious
Click here to check out Phone Curse now!
Dirty Sounding President’s Names
What’s up Bitches, it’s your homie Johnny Noxious and I have been thinking…
As I watched Barack Obamas speech to the kids today I thought to myself. There is nothing dirty sounding about Barack Obama’s name, nothing. I can usually pull something dirty out of everybody’s name. Lets see, take Connie Lingus for example or Justin Heras or Jenny Talia for example. All equally hilarious and equally dirty sounding.
More you say? Ok, ok! Stop your fuckin whining, here is a short list of dirty sounding names:
A. Nellsechs
A. Nelprober
A.S. Muncher
Amanda D. P. Throat
Amanda Hump
Amanda Lick
Amanda Mount
Amanda Poker
Anita B. Jainow
Anita Dick
Anita Dickenme
Anita Hanjaab
Anita Hardcok
Anita Head
Anita Hoare
Anita Naylor
Annie Position
Anya Neeze
Ben Derhover
Ben Gurgen Hoffe
Ben N. Syder
Ben O. Verbich
Ben R. Over
Benoit Bawles
Berry McCaulkiner
Betty Drilzzer
Betty Humpter
Betty Phuckzer
Bo N. Herr
Brooke N. Rubbers
Bruce D. Cocque
Buster Cherry
Buster Himen
C. Mike Rack
Clee Torres
Colin Forsecs
Connie Lingus
Craven Moorehead
Curley Pubes
Dang Lin-Wang
Daryl B. Payne
Dick Long
Dick Myaz
Dick Pound
Dick Ramdass
Dill Doe
Dixie Normous
Dixie Rect
Dixon B. Tweenerlegs
Dixon Butts
Dixon Kuntz
E. Jack Ulayte
E. Norma Scock
E. Norma Stits
E. Normous Peter
E. Rex Sean
Eaton Beaver
Eileen Ulick
Eric Shun
Fawn Dillmiballs
Fonda Dix
Fonda Peters
Freida Brest
Fudd G. Packer
Hans Omaicok
Harry A. Nuis
Harry Azcrac
Harry Balsonya
Harry Balzac
Harry Beaver
Harry Cox
Harry Dix
Harry Dong
Harry Johnson
Harry Kuntz
Harry Nutt
Harry P. Ness
Harry Peters
Harry Sach
Harry Scrote
Harry Weiner
Helda Coccen-Mihan
Helda Dick
Holden A. Pare
Holden McGroin
Haywood Jablomi
Howie Feltersnatch
Hugh G. Dildeaux
Hugh Gebrests
Hugh Janus
Hugh Jardon
Hugh Jewnitt
Hugh Jorgin
Humphrey Willy
I. Yankit
I.C Yadick
Ilova Gudfach
Ima Butmunsch
Ima Homeau
Ima Hoare
Ima Horndawg
Ima Reilly Cumming
Issac Dick
Iva Biggin
Ivana Fuccu
Ivana Hafsechs
Ivana Shroomslap
Ivanna B. Spanked
Jack Knauf
Jack Meoff
Jed I. P. Impe
Jen Italworts
Jenny Tayla
Jenny Tulworts
Jew C. Tuatt
Jocelyn Cocque
Joy Ryde-Myaz
Justin DeFront
Justin Heras
Justin Hermouf
Kareem M. Pants
Kari Mysac
Liz Bien
Lou Skunt
Lou Swimmin
Madame Dick Burns
Manny Kanblo
Master Bates
Mike Hunt
Mike Oxsbig
Mike Rotch
Mike Rotchburns
Miles Long
Mister Period
Moe Lester
Mrs. Hiscock
Neil Anblomi
Neil Down
Neil Enbob
Neil Inlick
Ol’ Dirty Bastard
Oliver Clozov
Ophelia Cox
Otto B. Astripper
P. Nisenvi
Pat Herboub
Pat Hiscock
Pat Maweini
Pat McGroin
Pat Myaz
Peter Beter
Peter Fitzinwell
Peter Insidya
Phil Accio
Phil C. Rottencrotch
Phil McAvity
Phil McCrackin
Phil McCreviss
Phillip A. Butt
Phillip McCrack
Ray Pugh
Rhoda Hotte
Rocco Z. Caulk
Roch Myaz
Rod Gozinya
Ron Chee
Rueben G. Spaut
Rueben Z. Clitz
Semour Asscrack
Seymour Snatch
Shara Dick
Sharon Cox
Sharon Head
Sharon Peters
Shea Verpussi
Stacy Rect
Stella Virgin
Sylvia Dooble-Fitz
Tal E. Whacker
Tara Dickoff
Tara Himen
Tara Holenme
Vye Agra
Vye Brator
Wang Phat
Watson Herbusch
Wayne Kerr
Willie B. Hardigan
Willie Dicker
Willie Eetmioutt
Willie Focker
Willie Layer
Wilma Dickfit
Wilma Fingerdoo
I know it’s a short list but I only had a minute to think of some funny names. Now back to my original thought, I’m sure it’s not that original because I couldn’t be the first person to think of this, and I saw it on tv, but here goes anyways. Here is the top ten dirty sounding President names.
Here they are starting at number ten:
10- Clinton
9- Bush
8- Hoover
7- LBJ
6- Pierce
5- Filmore
4- Polk
3- Harding
2- Bush-the dad this time
and the number one sounding dirty president name is:
Johnson
There you have it all dirty sounding and all presidents, which leads me back to my original thought. There is nothing dirty sounding about Barack Obama’s name.
So depressing, wait wait how about this……Bear Cock.
There it is, Bear Cock Obama. Ok my job here is done.
Peace out Bitches,
Johnny Weebledick Noxious
Click here to check out Phone Curse now!
Cluck Fucker
What’s up bitches, it’s your homie Johnny Noxious chillin like chocolate dipped pussy at a pussy eating contest. I have no idea what that means but it’s pretty fuckin funny if you ask me and if you didn’t ask then too bad bitch. Speaking of horses, check this story out:
He’s a repeat sex offender – who should be registered with the Humane Society.
A South Carolina man was busted for having sex with a horse, while on probation for having sex with the same horse.
Rodell Vereen, 50, was arrested Monday night in the throes of bestiality by the filly’s shotgun-toting owner, who also has video surveillance of the perverse act.
"When they arrested him before I thought that was the end of it," said Barbara Kenley, who caught Vereen in the middle of his romp in the hay with her 21-year-old horse, Sugar.
Vereen was charged with buggery and tresspassing, and was held on $10,000 bail.
"Hopefully he won’t get out," said Kenley, owner of the Lazy B Stables in Conway, S.C. "My goal is to get him away from me and my property."
Vereen was on probation for a buggery conviction stemming from a November 2007 assault on Sugar, a crime that prompted Kenley to wire her stables with surveillance cameras.
Kenley said cameras filmed Vereen having sex with her horse on July 19, but when she showed footage to the cops they told her they couldn’t identify the suspect.
She suspected Vereen would not be able to stay away from her horse, so she was ready when he snuck into her barn Monday.
"I wanted to catch him firsthand," she said. "It was just a matter of time before I caught him."
When Kenley pointed a shotgun at Vereen, he claimed to be looking for a bathroom.
"I told him he was full of crap," Kenley said. "He apologized and said he didn’t mean to hurt me."
Just in case you were wondering what this dumbass looks like I have included his fabulous mug shot for all to see.
Now back to the MEAT of the story, I don’t think you can put the blame on good old Rodell. I think you have to go all the way back to the first person who fucked an animal and I’m not talkin about the dreaded bar pig either guys. I mean animal animal, you know a goat, a cow, a walrus.
I want to know who the first person was that looked at a chicken and thought “you know, I bet that chicken is a great fuck” Seriously people first off I don’t even know if chickens have a pussy but even if they do how great can it look. Let’s see Jenna Jameson or a chicken hmmmmmm, not a tough choice there guys. But then again you probably get a lot less bitching from a chicken. You could probably fuck a chicken six ways to Sunday and not have to worry about the chicken calling the next day to ask when you are going out again.
Wait, lets get back to Rodell because I think he is the victim here, hold on hear me out before you jump to conclusions. Maybe he was sitting at home and old Sugar called him and said she was sitting around the stable thinking about him wearing her new outfit from The Love Barn. Essentially Rodell is the victim of a booty call gone wrong, terribly wrong. Think about it guys, this horse must be pretty good in the sack for Rodell to get out of jail and go right back to the piece of pussy that put him in jail in the first place. I mean a guy can only slap the meatbag around by himself for so long before it gets boring. We should be lucky this guy took his sexual angst out on a horse and not some college coed. Think about it…..
Now back to an idea I had thought of earlier, it’s a theme restaurant called “Cluck Fuckers”. Lonely guys come in and pick a live chicken out of a line up, much like at the Bunny Ranch or your local brothel. They take the chicken into a private room and fuck the living shit out of it. Then the chicken is seasoned and cooked to order for the gentleman to eat, with his choice of 2 sides and a large drink all for $19.99 plus tax. If I see a Cluck Fuckers open up I’m kickin somebody’s ass!!
Til next time bitches,
Be Pathetic,
Johnny “CluckFucker” Noxious
Filed under General | Comment (0)
Nicknames for Vagina
What’s up my fellow cursing bitches!!
It’s your homie Johnny Noxious up in this piece. Lock up your mom and hide the weed cuz i’ll toss it in that whore faster than you can say ass pickle. Speaking of your moms vagina I was thinking about this today. I don’t think any other word in the history of the earth has as many nick names as the vagina. Women all have a cute little nickname they call theirs and guys have a crude little name they use for it. The list is endless I know but I have gathered a few of the funnier ones that I have heard in my many years of pussy hunting.
Here it goes:
- Snatch
- Snapper
- Snizz
- Baby-Maker
- Poon
- Poonanny
- Poontang
- Twat
- Poosie
- Clam
- Flaps
- Nappy Dugout
- Flapper
- Donkey Ears
- Sheath
- Dick-Holster
- Afro-Clam
- Slit
- Quim
- Fun-Tunnel
- Woozle
- Twizzle
- Trim
- Meat Curtains
- Box
- Kitty
- Vajayjay
- Britney
- Cooter
- Hoo-Ha
- Coozie
- Cootchie
- Dew-Flaps
- Moose Knuckle
- Camel Toe
- Love Tunnel
- Lady Flower
- Pink Taco
- Bearded Clam
- Hair Pie
- Jam Cookie
- Vertical Smile
- Penis Garage
- Mossy Cottage
- Jack Nastyface
- Beaver
- Kiki
- Down There
- Choocha
- Chooch
- Cookie
- Furburger
- Tweekie
- Beeper
- Stench Trench
- Cod Cavity
- Glistening Gigglegash
- The Eye Of Terror
- Love Tunnel
- Love Canal
- Sausage Wallet
- Penis Sleeve
- Pleasure Place
- Cunt
- Meat Wallet
- Dick Sock
- Muffin
- Vagoo
- And Of Course, Monkey
Why does this word get all the attention? I mean I know of the power of the pussy but why does it get so many nicknames? Does any other word have this many nicknames that people use for it? Do people have just as many nicknames for, lets say, the refrigerator? I don’t think s
I want to hear why from some of my fellow Curseheads, send your theories to me at Johnny_Noxious@Phonecurse.com and while your at it send along some of the nicknames you have heard or used and if I use them I’ll send you a Phonecurse t-shirt. The shirt by the way is classy enough to wear to church on Sunday and cool enough to wear out clubbing on a Friday night. If you don’t like it you can wipe your stinky ass with it fuckface and as my mother used to say "Go fuck yourself"
Here is a closing thought close your eyes and picture this… the largest mammalian vagina belongs to the female blue whale with a normal length ranging in size from six to eight feet. Wow thats a huge pussy, hey have you seen my car keys…..
Be Pathetic,
Johnny Noxious
Filed under General | Comment (0)
The Many Uses for the Word Fuck
Greetings fellow cursers, how the fuck are you?
I say that with no disrespect intended, although one might think different because of my use of “The F Word”. Henceforth to be known as “Fuck”. Which leads me to today’s topic, the many uses of the word Fuck. I, Johnny Noxious, believe that the word Fuck is the most versatile word on the planet. It can be used in virtually any conversation with a multitude of different meanings. Let me demonstrate:
1. As a transitive verb: Johnny fucked Suzy.
2. As an intransitive verb: Suzy was fucked by Johnny.
3. As a noun: Suzy is a fine fuck.
4. As an adjective: Johnny is doing all the fucking work.
5. As part of an adverb: Suzy talks too fucking much.
6. As an adverb enhancing an adjective: Suzy is fucking beautiful.
7. As part of a word: Abso-fucking-lutely or In-fucking-credible
8. As almost every word in a sentence: Fuck the fucking fuckers.
It is most definitely a versatile word that can also be used in these examples describing many different situations such as:
1. Fraud: I got fucked at the used car lot.
2. Dismay: Aw fuck it.
3. Trouble: I guess I’m really fucked now.
4. Aggression: Don’t fuck with me buddy.
5. Difficulty: I don’t understand this fucking question.
6. Inquiry: Who the fuck was that?
7. Dissatisfaction: I don’t like what the fuck is going on here.
8. Incompetence: He is a fuck off.
9. Dismissal: Why don’t you go outside and play hide and go fuck yourself.
I am sure you can come up with a million more examples. With all of these multi purpose applications how can any one be offended when you use the word fuck? I say use this unique multi faceted word more often in your daily speech. It will identify the quality of your character immediately. Say it loud and proud
“FUCK YOU”
There you have it, another theory put to the test by the baddest curser on the mother fucking planet, Johnny Noxious.
If you can think of any uses for the word fuck that you feel are worthy of being printed right here at Phonecurse dot com email them to me at:
Johnny_noxious@phonecurse.com
If we use them we will give you a free download, so get off of your fat fucking ass and do something besides gain weight by the second you lazy piece of shit, I mean that lovingly.
Until next time,
“Be Pathetic”
Johnny Noxious
Click here to check out Phone Curse now!
Filed under General | Comment (0)
Introduction to Phone Curse
Welcome to Phone Curse Bitches!!!
I am your host and guide Johnny “Mother Fuckin” Noxious. As you can see cursing is a hobby of mine. It all started one day in Kindergarten when another child took a toy that I was playing with away from me. One swift kick to the nuts and a resounding “Fuck You” later and Johnny Noxious was born. It has been a wonderful downhill journey from there.
Throughout life I have taken swearing from street level to a completely other level, almost to an art form. If swearing was an art my picture would be in the Fuckin Louvre, that’s a museum in France dumbass. The most likely reason for my love of cursing is because of the need for it. How many times has somebody done something so utterly stupid right in front of you and all you can come up with is…….”Fuck” Well my fellow Phone Curse buddies and I have taken care of that for you. Simply grab your phone and press one of the 9 buttons on any Phone Curse template and let er rip. Click here to check Phone Curse now!
So instead of simply blurting out “Fuck” you can bust out a super cool string of expletives that will leave anybody within hearing distance of you stunned and amazed. I mean even that big ugly fat biker chick with the tattoo on the inside of her lip will say “damn that mother Fucker can curse” Then she will drag you to an alley and suck the chrome off of yer knob. If that’s not a major selling point then I don’t know what is, I mean come on. Who hasn’t dreamed of a big fat stinky hairy biker bitch polishing yer knob in an alley.
That reminds me of my first wedding night but that’s a different story for another time.
Until next time,
“Be Pathetic”
Johnny Noxious
Filed under General | Comment (0)
PhoneCurse.com Provides the Best Curse and Swearing Downloads
Available now at www.PhoneCurse.com, visitors have a choice of over 15 different templates that feature nine high quality professionally recorded audio clips of rants, swearing and curses by real people. Each template is priced at only $3.00. With a simple download process, visitors gain access to MP3 files that they can use on the system of or a mobile devices such as iPhones, iPods, Blackberry Storm.
Each week a new template is recorded and posted. PhoneCurse.com will offer the largest and highest quality cursing in the market. While one of its templates already includes Spanish swearing and curse words, the Company plans to expand into additional for foreign languages and hilarious celebrity impersonations.
According to the Managing Partner, Richard Gozinya, "Our site provides users with a complete access to the largest collection of original recordings of curses ever created."
“We know that some people may become offended. But we believe that this may be the best way to swear or curse, just let someone else do it for you. In fact, during our product development stage, we found a study by the University of East Anglia in England, that found that banning profanity could have a negative effect on morale and motivation. According to the study, while swearing in front of senior staff or customers should be seriously discouraged or banned, in other circumstances it helped foster solidarity among employees and relieved frustration, stress or other feelings.”
PhoneCurse.com is your destination for making everyday more fun and to relieve stress and frustration!
About PhoneCurse.com
The PhoneCurse.com is a leading applications development company. The company’s core purpose is to provide PC and mobile phone owners with fun, edgy and exciting applications.
For further information visit http://www.phonecurse.com or email press@phonecurse.com
Filed under General, Media | Comment (0)
